Jane and the More Amazing Lanes

A Speculative Essay by CINCGREEN

There is an excellent essay called "Jane and the Lanes" written by The Angst Guy. One copy of the essay is here . In the essay, TAG explores the birth order of the Lane siblings, who were first seen together in "Lane Miserables" (308). Most of the essay is devoted to clues establishing which of the children is the oldest. A new revised version might come out soon, given certain comments by Glenn Eichler indicating that Summer might be the oldest of the Lane children.

There is another flaw in The Angst Guy's wonderful essay that I'm reluctant to point out – but here goes. TAG writes:

This episode contains bits and pieces of information about relatives such as Aunt Ellie (and her vacation pictures), Cousin Jimmy (and his modeling career), Aunt Bernice (and her straw hats, from Middleberry), Uncle Max (the bum who likes Trent), and the highly critical Grandma. Maybe Grandma is Amanda’s mother, and Amanda understandably ran off at an early age to become a hippie, starting a sort of chain-reaction of dysfunction in her children.

However, TAG quotes Jane speaking in the same episode:

Jane: Do you know where I'll be this weekend? The Lane family reunion. Dozens of Lanes from all over the country converging in one Midwestern split level to remind themselves why they scattered in the first place.

This indicates that this is the LANE family reunion – the caps in this case are genealogical. Unless Amanda's family is somehow related to the LANE family, either by blood or by some other marriage, it's unlikely that Amanda's mother will be there. Grandma Lane is undoubtedly Vincent's mother.

But this begs the question: who is the LANE family, and how did they end up in Lawndale? As it turns out, the true answer might shock you – if you have an open mind, like science fiction, and enjoy reading the tall tale I have to tell...or is it a tall tale at all?

One of the more amusing creations of science fiction writer Philip Jose Farmer was the Wold Newton family .

I’ll let another web site explain it all….

According to noted science fiction writer and genealogist Philip Jose Farmer, these are the people who are descended from the British noble families and their retainers who were passing the village of Wold Newton in the East Riding of Yorkshire, on December 13, 1795, when a meteorite impacted the ground there. The families, who were traveling in two coaches, were exposed to high levels of ionization. This caused certain mutations in their genetic code. The people in the first coach were John Clayton, the third Duke of Greystoke, and his wife, Alicia, nee Rutherford, sister of the eleventh Baron Tennington; The eleventh Baron, George Edward Rutherford, and his wife, Elizabeth Cavendish; Honore Delagardie and his wife, Philippa Drummond; and Fitzwilliam Darcy and his wife, Elizabeth Bennett. In the second coach were Sir Percy Blakeney, the famous Scarlet Pimpernel, and his second wife, Alice Clarke Raffles; Sir Hugh Drummond, brother of Philippa, and his wife, Georgia Dewhurst; Dr. Siger Holmes and his wife, Violet Clarke Raffles, the sister of Alice. A friend of Dr. Holmes', a young medical student by the name of Sebastion Noel, was following on horseback. Also present were four coachmen, Louis Lupin, Albert Lecoq, Arthur Blake and Simon MacNichols.

These families intermarried in the following generations, reinforcing the mutated gene and eventually producing what Farmer calls a "nova of genetic splendor, this outburst of great detectives, scientists, and explorers of exotic worlds, this last efflorescence of true heroes in an otherwise degenerate age." The inheritors of this gene include: Tarzan, Sherlock Holmes, Doc Savage and his aide, Monk Mayfair, Nero Wolfe, James Bond, Bulldog Drummond, the Shadow, G-8, the Spider, Captain Midnite, Flash Gordon, Travis McGee, Lew Archer, Lord Peter Wimsey, Philip Marlowe, Sam Spade, Kinsey Milhone, Mack Bolan, Professor Challenger, Richard Hannay, Denis Nayland Smith, C.Auguste Dupin, Kickaha, Sam Spade, Charlie Chan, and John Shaft.

Ever since then, science fiction fans (and Philip Jose Farmer fans) have a field day with the world's greatest "Reverse Mary Sue". In a "Mary Sue" story, you try to make a character you created great and exceptional, more important than any other in the story. Wold Newton fans do the reverse -- they take great characters they've heard of and try to fit them into a very complex family tree, to simply make them one more heroic character of a family of heroic characters. The idea is: if someone's cool, and you've read about them in books, seen them on TV or watched them on film, and if they are the slightest way amusing, interesting, or heroic, then they must be related to one of the above people.

The obvious candidate for a Wold Newton genealogy is Daria Morgendorffer, but one wouldn't even begin to know where to start. However, I bumped into this wonderful picture right here which provides what we’ve all wanted –- part of the secret Jane Lane family tree.

Jane Lane's family comes from a branch of the Wold Newtons that emigrated to Canada after serving on the Tory side of the Revolutionary War. (The fun article is here .) The three Lane brothers were Thomas, Hondo, and Lazarus Lane.

Thomas Lane and his wife Susanna would give birth to Harrison and Henry. After Thomas died, Susanna married a man named Jekyll. The story of the infamous Dr. Henry Jekyll is known to all (see Robert Bloch'’s The Jekyll Legacy ). Jane's more mercurial aspects might come from the line of that family -- notice how quickly she changed personality when she was angry in "Dye! Dye! My Darling!".

Hondo left home early and settled in the American Southwest, keeping most of the details about his family to himself. A certain Mr. L. L'Amour has written about him.

Hondo Lane, a great-uncle of Jane Lane.

Among Hondo's grandchildren are believed to be the most storied of the Lane line -- granddaughters Barbara Lane and Lois Lane. Barbara married police commissioner Jim "Wildcat" Gordon and had a daughter, Barbara Gordon. Lois Lane is quite well known as the wife of famous reporter Clark Kent and Margo Lane is Lois's adoptive cousin.

However, there is a third brother, Lazarus Lane. He is the least known of the three Lane siblings. There are two stories as to what happened him, and both relate to the mysterious legend of "El Diablo". The first story is that Lane was serving was a bank clerk in California when his inaction caused a fellow clerk to die during a bank robbery, and Lane became a masked vigilante called "El Diablo". The second story is that Lane was struck comatose by lightning and that an Indian shaman, Wise Owl, could awaken him, but Lane would only be awakened in the persona of "El Diablo". Since both stories come from cheap comic books, one should not put money on the truth of either tale.

Most Wold Newton researchers agree : treat the older story as closest to the truth and the other stories as variations on the first. Probably, both stories are true. Lazarus Lane probably was a bank teller in California, he probably either worked with "El Diablo" (or was "El Diablo"). He might have been struck by lightning at some point and his vigilante career might have ended or have been severely handicapped.
Undoubtedly, Lazarus Lane was familiar with the American West and he definitely had a child at some point.

Assuming that the height of Lazarus's "career" was in the 1880s, there are probably two generations between Lazarus Lane and Vincent Lane. Lazarus is likely to be Vincent's great-grandfather.

Immediately, this explains the Lane family's propensity for wanderlust -- all of the Wold Newton families have an urge to explore and get into trouble of one sort or another, being superior beings. Thomas represents the "criminale" branch of the family. Hondo represents the loner and wanderer, and Lazarus's branch represents the need to put down roots.

Vincent comes from the "respectable Lanes" branch of the family. The LANEs wouldn't keep up with the Jekylls, or the Morleys, or the Solos or the Kents at all. The Lazarus branch, being Californians, might have had a bit of the Spanish in their blood – perhaps Lazarus Lane's wife was California Spanish, or perhaps Mexican, providing the dark hair and brooding look that make Jane and Trent so attractive.

In any event, it's an interesting theory. Just remember this – when you cross Jane Lane, you’re looking at a very special young lady. More special than you or I could ever imagine.

--CINCGREEN, 15 April 2005

Note: A certain "Ranger Thorne" might perhaps be writing a story that details the relationship between Margo Lane and Jane Lane. However, Margo Lane is an adopted Lane and is not related closely to any of the Lanes above, although she, like the others, is a Wold Newton descendant.