Hello. CINCGREEN here. You probably thought (or hoped) I was dead. I'm goofing off before a major exam tomorrow (!), so I thought I throw down another article.

Since I love baseball -- and computer baseball simulations, Bill James, sabermetrics and the like, I have created a new useless statistic called the "Daria Similarity Score".

Bill James, a baseball fan and historian, created the concept of a similarity score by taking the statistical lines from two players, starting off at 1000 points, and knocking points off for differences in statistics. He could then compare two different players and say, "the most similar player to Player X is Player Y".

I propose to do the same for "Daria". I created twenty categories. "Daria" qualifies in all categories. Any time a show qualifies in the same category, I give it a point.

One point if main character is an outcast.
One point if main character is female.
One point if main character is of noteworthy intelligence or academic achievement.
One point if character writes.
One point if character has an artistic friend.
One point for possessing a workaholic mom.
One point for possessing a crazy dad.
One point if main character has a younger sibling.
One point if younger sibling is considered more attractive than main character.
One point if the main character is attracted to a slacker.
One point if the program is in a high school setting.
One point if the character has a cheerleader/football player supporting character.
One point if one of the supporting characters is a black overachiever.
One point if the school has "insane" teachers.
One point if one of the supporting characters is a lecher.
One point if there is a clique of catty girls that cross swords with the main character.
One point if the setting of the series is described as "boring".
One point if the program is a cartoon.
One point if the program is a comedy.

If any show fits 19 to 20 of these categories, we would call it "unusually similar" to "Daria". I doubt such a show exists.

If any show fits 17 to 18 of these categories, such a show would be "truly similar" to "Daria". Likewise, I doubt there are such shows.

If any show fits 15 to 16 of these categories, such a show would be "essentially similar" to "Daria". Better chance here.

If any show fits 13 to 14 of these categories, it would be "somewhat similar" to "Daria".

If any show fits 10 or more of these categories, it would be "vaguely similar" to "Daria".


"Daria" vs. "Saved by the Bell"

1. Outcast main character: in no sense could Zach Morris be described as an outcast. He's more Ferris Bueller than Daria Morgendoffer. Also, he's very popular.
2. Female main character: uh-uh.
3. Smart: Well, he's smart in the sense of "cunning", but we're looking for academic smarts. Good at business, so might be good at finance, but a lackluster student otherwise. Did score high on his SATS.
4. Sarcastic: No. More a Dobie Gillis in breaking the fourth wall.
5. Writer: Nope.
6. Artistic friend: Has lots of friends, but none of them are artists. Sorry.
7. Workaholic mother: sorry, indulgent mother.
8. Crazy dad: dad is workaholic. Might give him a 1/2 point, since Mr. Morris is more like Helen.
9. Younger sibling: Nope, only child.
10. Sibling is cuter: See #8 above.
11. Attracted to slacker: Nope, attracted to Kelly Kapowski, a cheerleader, and married same.
12. High school setting: Yep, "Saved by the Bell" and "Daria" are both set at high schools.
13. Cheerleader/football star character: Yes, both in Kelly and in A. C. Slater.
14. Black overachiever character: We'll give this a pass. Lisa Tuttle is intelligent, but I don't sense any effort in her intelligence.
15. Insane teachers: yes, he's a "Principal Li" type, but does he really belong in the same group as Li, O'Neill, DeMartino, or Barch? Nope.
16. Lecherous character: We'll give SbtB this one because Screech fancies himself to be a ladies man. All of the other "half-points" above let me tilt the balance in favor of awarding a point.
17. Catty clique of girls: Nope.
18. Boring town? It's somewhere near a beach, but I don't know if any of the characters bitched about it. No points.
19. Cartoon? No.
20. Comedy: "Saved by the Bell" claims to be a comedy; I'll take its word for it.


Therefore, "Saved by the Bell" earns a Daria Similarity Score of 4 points. In no way can "Saved by the Bell" be considered simliar to "Daria".

Your assignment: which show, using the scale above, is most similar to "Daria"? Justify your response in the comments. (I would guess the answer would be "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", but I'm not familiar enough with the show.)