... an old essay that was once published elsewhere, but never for the Internet. Enjoy!

I’ll name myself “heretic” and “unclean” by stating to Daria fandom ...

I don’t care for “Esteemsters.”

There, I’ve said it. Feels good, too. I’m sure, however, that there are several people who agree with me. Those who don’t agree deserve an explanation of why I feel this way.

This is not to serve as proof for once and forever that “Esteemsters” is a bad episode. It might even be your favorite episode. But I don’t care for it. Here’s why.

The problem is that I thought that Daria would be another version of Beavis and Butt-head, which centered on one smart girl instead of two very dumb boys. You would never think that Mike Judge, who created a show about two dumbasses and their immaturity, would be a masterful writer — but he was.

As for people who had watched Beavis and Butt-head and looked forward to Daria catching some sunlight of her own ... well, coming from Mike Judge to Glenn Eichler, they were bound to be disappointed.

People who have never seen Beavis and Butt-head might believe that she was a major player in B&B. She wasn’t. She was one of those intriguing but underused characters — the “Andrea” of Mike Judge’s “Beavisverse.” Daria had some strong competition in B&B — Daria was no irresistible force, but the boys were definitely immovable objects. They made fun of Daria at every opportunity.

Daria, in turn, blew off the insults and could make her own sly counter-comments that the boys probably wouldn’t understand even if each comment were explained to them. Daria was never really in the “down” position in Beavis and Butt-head, and despite the constant chants of “Diarrhea, cha cha cha,” you got the sense that Daria was a smart young girl who could hold her own.

But what a different world it is in “Esteemsters”! From holding her own against the two chief protagonists in Judge’s cartoon, Daria finds herself barely eking out survival against much weaker characters. Shallow Quinn is the one that rules Lawndale High, and Daria is the “problem child” in her own home.

Hell, Daria’s even an outcast in Mr. DeMartino’s class, and she tells her parents that “My history teacher hates me because I know all the answers.” She gets dumped into the geek cage of Mr. O’Neill’s self-esteem class. From the perspective of a B&B fan, Daria has been exiled to Hell.

The character design isn’t as rich as that in Beavis and Butt-head. Those who aren’t familiar with B&B might think that the crispness and fine lines of Daria are a big improvement over the muddied look of B&B. Yet, amongst the Earth-tones of B&B, every background character radiates personality.

The other classroom characters in B&B looked tougher — like they could eat Andrea and anyone else for breakfast. Each one told a story the second you laid eyes on them. Here’s the tough guy who works out. Here’s the Punk Girl, and here’s Trailer Trash. They were all mysterious, intriguing.

Background characters in Daria — the extras we see walking behind Daria and Jane, the nameless ones — have very little character, and nowhere is this more evident than in the self-esteem class, where every loser looks more or less like the loser sitting nearby. Even Jane doesn’t stand out as anyone to whom you’d pay closer attention. Indeed, Jane sounds more like Trent than like Jane — if the voice actor can’t find the personality, what are we to conclude?

It begs the question of what Eichler, who wrote “Esteemsters,” wanted to prove.

His supporting characters are no great shakes. It’s hard to play Daria as a strong character when so many of the supporting characters are so one-dimensional, and “Esteemsters” is Exhibit A. Contrasted with Kevin and Brittany, any character from Beavis and Butt-head with a grain of intelligence would come off as an intellectual dynamo.

And what might have been! Andrea and Sandi, two characters with interesting personalities of their own, have a grand total combined of one line during this episode. Mack and Jodie aren’t even on the scene. Nor is Upchuck with his sleazy charm. Aside from Jane, the only students we get to know are Kevin and Brittany. Helen’s control mode and Jake’s clueless mode are only just powering up, and Quinn is as shallow as she ever would be in Seasons One and Two, if not more so.

Having Daria the outcast is one thing; having her outclassed and exiled by such poorly defined or developed characters is something else entirely. If their popularity or shallowness were a symbol of some deeper, darker force at work, I could understand, but that is clearly not evident.

Even if Daria truly reigns triumphant, what kind of victory is it? It’s the fish-barrel-gun syndrome. What kind of victory is it defeating such cardboard cutouts as these?

The problem is that we get no impression that anyone in this series can be anything other than what one’s first impression implies. All of Judge’s characters — even the stereotypes — had some reason for existing besides providing a cheap laugh for his main characters, Beavis and Butt-head. Every character that Judge created held the kernel of a developed character.

By contrast, “Esteemsters” introduces us to Kevin and Brittany, who — in five seasons! — never truly found their voices. Indeed, characters in Daria seemed to develop rather painfully, and seemingly with a lot of resistance from the writing staff.

Daria was always a good series, but never on the level of the greatest cartoon series ever. Why? I can give you several reasons — named O’Neill, DeMartino, Kevin, and Brittany. You can come up with answers of your own. Coming from Beavis and Butt-head and Judge’s four years of interesting characters, it’s a real comedown.

Furthermore, the script for “Esteemsters” is just not that funny. Of course, everyone quotes “I don’t have low self-esteem ... I have low esteem for everyone else.” But can you really name ONE other funny line for that episode? It holds truly few memorable quotes.

Entire scenes fall flat, their only apparent purpose being to move the plot forward. The entire Daria-meets-DeMartino/Kevin/Brittany scene could be cut out and I doubt that it would be missed. Trust me, we’ll get plenty of time to see these less-interesting characters as plot fixtures in other episodes.

Still, the episode has its moments. O’Neill’s final self-esteem test is a classic exchange that, when read at Outpost Daria, never fails to bring a smile. My favorite moment was when Daria turns Quinn’s “only child” quote against her at one of the family dinners — Daria knows just when to twist the knife.

But when all is said and done, “Esteemsters” is a big disappointment and one of the reasons I didn’t return to Daria until around the end of Season Three or the beginning of Season Four. It is a sub-par episode, a poor way to begin such a wonderful series.

If they could have only begun with “The Invitation,” the subject of my next essay.

Labels: Eichler, Essays, Esteemsters